It has been so long.  Honestly I nearly forgot I had even attempted to start this blog.  THAT is how crazy life has been.   I was working full time.. Daddy was laid off.. so he was full time caregiver, but now he is back to a crazy golf industry work life  I've decided to cut back on hours at work.  For a lot of reasons but the ( should be ) perk is I get to be home with the kids again.   I feel like I am learning to be a mom all over again.  The full days of time filling,  the attitudes of a two and nearly four year old .. ugghhh I feel the grey coming in daily.   Truly  I feel like a MOM FAIL.   Not always.. there are moments of wow I see improvements in childrens behaviour since I've been home.  and hey look at that the sink is empty and I can see the floor.. but overall ..  I'm just overwhelmed.  and disappointed at my lack of keeping on top of things skills.    I get angered as I move things and notice more and more things that have not been done since mat leave ended.. the holes the leaks the floor tiles that need to be replaced.  These things I could overlook when I left after breakfast and came home before bed time .. but now my time is half home and half work..  I NOTICE!   White borders covered in spills from who knows when.  Leaks that were left long enough I am now paying to have drywall cut and removed and replaced.  Things that **Should** have been done, but now fall back onto my plate as the other half exits for the summer months.     As you see .. unlike the happy bloggers of mommy land.  This is my life. 

   I do have fun days of sun and wild kids.. Cuddles and love shared.   It's not all bad... really there is a lot good.    I just need some re-group time.  Some ME time to recharge my system.  I feel the past years has been for anyone but me.    I don't dance..  I JUsT pulled out my guitar piano to try sneak in moments of something that feels just for me like.     The Crazy train is parked out front waiting to take me away.. I tell ya..I'm tempted some days to climb aboard.      Even THIS post has taken three days to write out.  Sad. 

  I have a hair appointment made next week by my MIL ( or the lady who would be if her son ever thought I was worth getting married too)  and she is watching the kids.. so hopefully a little mini makeover day will cheer this cat up.    I need it..  Sooooo need it.  I feel like a slumpy dumpy lady.  I know that's not me..  so.. I'm trying to get back to silly goose happy fun energetic spunky mom.. Perhaps I should invest in a case of wine *giggle*.. noooooo that could be bad ;)